Category Archives: clothes

Wow, that’s, uh, hateful…

I was trolling around CafePress looking at Republican thongs (for research), and ran across this:

197732629v4_480x480_Front_Color-WhiteI mean, there’s a lot of hateful shit in the Republican thong section (gag), but even this took me by surprise.

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Somebody needs to buy these for me.

Like, today.

THANKS!

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Filed under clothes, stuff I want

Oh hai. I’m back. And I need a cape!

So, I don’t know if this happens to everyone, but I often find myself desparately wanting something that I would have dismissed as ugly or impractical just a few months before. For example, I was anti-wedge for quite a long time, but woke up one morning a few years ago and realized that I had to have a pair. I am still wearing the shit out of the first pair I purchased–unless you want to be charitable and call the nasty platform shoes that I wore in the 90s “wedges,” which would be terribly nice of you.

Capes and I are now having a similar relationship. Up until a week ago, I thought capes were impractical and silly and a little over-the-top. Now I MUST HAVE ONE. And I may also need leather gloves to match, dammit!

My current favorite is this one, which I will not purchase, since I cannot afford it (unless I forgo a new winter coat, which I need, and boots, which I want) and I was hoping to be responsible and buy something vintage.

bluefly capeAs far as vintage, I  really like this one, but a) it’s a little, ahem, loud, and not particularly classic, and b) some bitches are going to drive up the price of that motherfucker because it’s at 9 bids already and we have 6 days to go!

leopard capeI like this cape too, but it’s more than I want to spend on something from eBay that I haven’t seen in person, and then there’s this one, which I am undecided on because the fabric could be gross and I think I would want to change the closures.  Still, I am going to give it a few days thought and may wind up getting it.

Obviously, I’m still in the infancy stage of my cape hunt, and my lust for one may fade as time goes on, though I doubt it. I’m just praying that I don’t wake up tomorrow and decide that leggings and gladiator sandals are the shit I need about 12 pairs of each.

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Willpower and commitment!

I am sadly lacking in both of these traits.  However, I wish I had at least one of them so that I could either:

1) lose the 20 pounds necessary* to fit into this dress, or

2) learn how to sew with some skill in order to make a version of the dress, or

3) BOTH!

*I’m not sure I’d fit into it anyway.  The shitty thing about vintage fashion is that their weren’t many women who were almost six feet tall back in the day, so it’s hard to find things in my size.  Fucking genes and good nutrition.  Assholes.

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Anthropollllloooogieeeeee!!!!!!!!

Imagine me yelling this to the heavens with my arms outstretched in frustration and anger.  Anthropologie is my arch-nemesis–my Magneto,  my Lex Luthor.*  Why?

1)  Their CEO is a classic example of Baby Boomer who sold out and has become a right-winger and exploited the underground culture of Gen Xers (and now Gen Yers) for his financial gain.  (This is truer for Urban Outfitters than for Anthropologie, but Anthropologie does a pretty damn good job of capturing the vintage/post-shabby chic/cutesy market among upper-middle class thirty-somethings).

2)  Their shit is horrifyingly twee.  I mean:

112508_wire_self_clothes_021

I can’t lie and say that I don’t like this outfit, but this photo? Fucking seriously?

3) Their copy is also beyond ridiculous: “Hibernating, chocolate-piped merino wool is awakened by a cacophony of appliqued primroses.” I can’t help but think that the poor bastard who writes for them once wanted to be the next Great American Author and is now kept awake at night wondering if she used the word “coax” too often in the descriptions of this season’s flower-encrusted sweaters.

4) As I mentioned before, it has a certain edgy Martha Stewart/Amelie-esque asthetic, which I guess can be appealing, but can be accomplished by using actual vintage and hand-made items, like, say, from Etsy.  It’s for people who don’t have enough imagination to buy a stencil and some gold paint for a side table, but have enough money to buy a nightstand for $700, even if it’s partially made of mdf.  I guess you could say that it’s missed the “shabby” part of “shabby chic.”  It’s also for people who think “vintage” is a style, and means “skirts with butterfly appliques” and “shirts with ruffles and Peter Pan collars” and have no idea how to put fashion into cultural and historical context.

5) I love about 85% of their apparel and accessories despite all of this.  (Their housewares can bite me, though–I don’t do whimsical and girly decor).  I especially love their dresses and shoes.  My current crushes:

anthrofruit-moonanthrotravessia2anthroicebreaker3

I also can’t get over these boots (I’m actually looking for a pair of riding boots right now, but these are more than I want to spend):

anthro-boots

6) So, you see, I have a problem.  I fucking hate being morally conflicted over clothes. Luckily, their stuff usually too expensive for me unless it’s deeply discounted, and then the larger sizes are bought up most of the time.  But I still feel slightly dirty when I visit their site.  And look at their catalog.  Twice a week.  Assholes.

*People who have a little bit of comic book knowledge will understand where I’m coming from with this analogy–just know they’re love/hate relationships not worth taking the time to explain because it’s a silly comparison to begin with.

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